Yes, as one of Zoe's favorite Spongebob episode script goes, "We're waiting, we're waiting, we're waiting..." for our gift (baby boy) to arrive. We have been waiting for so long and it seems like forever. So far, I don't feel any regular contractions yet and I think my cervix is still closed. It seems that the baby doesn't want to go out yet since I still have to have some kind of closure at work (I've avoided turning over some of my tasks for some reason). Until then, I think, I remain to be pregnant...Hahaha.

Anyway, the baby clothes have been washed already, the hospital papers are ready, our bags are packed and my mind is set to give birth. I've been having vivid dreams already of giving birth which I think signals my innate anticipation to see the baby soon. The only real question is when the baby will come.

Meantime, I plan to keep on walking and make myself busy with the other stuff that needs to be prepared. It's my husband's last week at work so I also plan on being with him by also taking my maternity leave already by next week (that is, if they don't rush me to the hospital within this week). And while on leave, I don't think I'll have much of a chance to surf the net or update this blog. Maybe it will take me a few weeks of adjustment or so. That is why I'm also taking advantage now of looking for an online seller of wonderful anniversary gifts for our upcoming anniversary in October. I read from www.bestoftime.com that they offer lovely Rolex watches that I'm sure my husband will love to have. If only I could afford to buy to now...otherwise, it also might have to wait.

I was alone last night at the waiting area outside my doctor's clinic when it suddenly hit me: I FEEL LIKE I AM MY OWN MOTHER. I found myself sitting there, my hands on top of my belly with fingers intertwined against each other. Yes, it very much felt like I was my mother for I have seen her many times sit that way with the same kind of posture and gesture of the hands.

Unconsciously, there are so many other mannerisms and words I've blurted out that seem to be so similar to how my mother would act and speak. Sometimes, I find myself humming to my little girl at night and then stop suddenly because it seemed as if I was hearing my mother's humming, instead of my own voice. Other times, I would unintentionally say "Tatay" referring to my husband (I don't know if he ever noticed this). But you see, I never call my husband "Tatay" because he has always been "Hunny or Dad" to me and Zoe. It's my mother who would devotedly call my father as "Tatay", not "Benjie", not "Dad". I know, it's crazy.

These are just bits and pieces of the many things that I think I may have "inherited" from my mother. Because of these, I am reminded of her and feel mighty happy that she is mother. I just wish that I had more of her better traits: her simplicity, her order, her generosity, her love for God. If only I could be a little bit more like her and exude even a small bit of her great virtues.

Maybe I'm feeling all of these because she wants her spirit to be felt too. Maybe she wants me to feel that she's still there for me to accompany me in this pregnancy and new stage of motherhood. Or maybe it's simply because I missing her. So much.

As I have been blogging here a few weeks ago, my husband has finally decided to resign from his current job. We thought it would be a very difficult decision but, somehow, God paved the way for him/us to see clearly the right thing to do. Therefore, in the end, resigning did not mean a lose-lose situation but more of a win-win situation for us and for our family.

We realize now that there is more to life than working for that company. There are endless possibilities around that can offer better compensation and a better life for us. Similar to the case of people who want to advance in their jobs, some stop awhile to study, review and get certifications such as becoming a CMAS, my husband now has his hands full learning and re-learning how to nurture his skills further in order to do a more specialized job in the future. And with His help, things are bound to look up.

Sometimes, when you come across a similar crossroad in your life, the tendency really is to panic and lose your trust in the One above. But you know what, I have realized for myself that you do not control your life. It is God who controls it and you only have to pray to him for guidance and direction so that the decisions you make in your life are in consonance with what He wants you to do. And there is only one direction He wants you to take all the time: the right direction. You have to have it clearly in your mind and heart that you always have to do what is right amidst the hardships, even the calumnies and false accusations. And when you do that, God will always be on your side. That's how it works really and I have no doubt that He is and always be on our side as long as it is to Him that we are loyal to and not to any human being who shows even the highest authority here on earth.

Lately, I've been excited over collecting stuffs I need for the birth of the new baby. I also find myself scouring through our cabinets, wanting to put things in order as much as I could. On the internet, I've also grown very excited looking at furniture such as Platform Beds which we need for the room of the kids. Many people call it the nesting instinct for pregnant and soon-to-give-birth mothers like me.

Mysteriously, there seems to be a sudden surge of energy that many pregnant women feel some weeks before they give birth. Some say that this happens in preparation for upcoming labor. I have been reading up on birthing materials and find that many of the things that I have tendency to do and to feel are pretty normal for someone in my stage of pregnancy. I sometimes feel impatient waiting for the baby to come and at the same time, I also want to cherish this pregnancy very much. So where do I put myself really? Can someone tell me?

I'm so grateful for the one day non-working holiday that the government has imposed for August 05, 2009. Apart from the fact that we were able to update ourselves with the current happenings in society (i.e. the death and funeral of the late former President Cory Aquino), we were also able to spend a day for my semi-monthly checkup with the OB (we're awaiting for trial labor!!!). As a plus, we were also able to go to Greenhills for some shopping and bonding with the little girl.

Hay, thank you!

In these changing times, internet technology has indeed been a growing tool for businesses and for personal networking. It is a venue for product marketing as well as for airing personal views and opinions. And among the billions of people in the world, I feel good to be one of the lucky ones who have access to the internet and the world-wide-web. Really, it is a whole new world out there. In it I've discovered a treasure of valuable information and knowledge. Through it, I also have found new friends and rediscovered friends from the past. It has truly helped me in developing my personality, improving my professional skills and obtaining the tools I need in fulfilling my role as a wife, mother and home manager.

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My husband came to pick me up at the office last Monday night and told me that he gave his notice of resignation at work. It has been something that we have discussing about in the past weeks, even months. I just didn’t know he was going to do it so soon, and when he told me, I had to catch my breath.

He made that decision because of working conditions. They were very, very poor. Actually, I give him a lot of credit for putting up with it for as long as he did. However, for him, enough is enough and so he decided to quit.

With the baby coming soon and the bills endlessly piling up, maybe we do have some reason to be scared. To be honest, I sometimes do get that feeling of uncertainty in my stomach. However, it's not the end of the world ~ not yet and far from it!!! We remain to stay positive. I am proud that he made a firm stand on his morals. And if only for that, he deserves something much, much better.

These words struck me today. Amidst the perceived troubles and difficulties associated with a current development in the family/work front~ all, I believe, is for the good and will become better in the long run. Besides, God will not forsake those who love Him and strive to follow Him.

To my dear blogger friend Ai from Poland, thank you so much for the awards and kind words you've written about me. I feel so humbled and blessed to have found good friends like you in the online world. Your blog post literally came in as a "cheer up" sign for me since I was feeling down this week. And because of your nice gift to me, I am certainly coping and starting to smile again. Ai, you are an angel!

Thank you so much, Ai! Take care and God bless you and your family always.

We recently had an issue at home that has been a real downer especially for me. I hate to blog about the details but it definitely has left me so SAD (and partly guilty) for three days now.

With all these challenges in life, I realize that:

1) Ang hirap pala talaga ng walang nanay at ang hirap maging "nanay". So for those who still have moms, cherish them while they are still alive!

2) The world is not perfect and no one is perfect.

3) You don't have to blame yourself for failures beyond your control (that's quoting my husband). As long as you have tried your best, then the rest should be left to God.

4) You cannot control the freedom of others. People can do certain things for reasons they alone know why. You can only hope that they will realize the wrongness of their actions...soon and by the grace of God.

5) God has a reason for everything. OMNIA IN BONUM (Everything is for the good). And although I would and maybe could have done something to prevent the "thing" from happening, it's really out of my hands.

***

They tell me - "This is for the best. Learn to let go! Worrying too much is bad for the baby." But really, it's just so hard for me. I still feel so sorry and sad that "it" had to happen (and if only I could miraculously make F. understand the things he has to realize for himself...)

Sorry if I talk in generalities here. I just need to let it out in some way otherwise my heart will burst. Anyway, I'm just so glad that during times like these, my hubby is always there to calm me, be my best friend and be my support. For that alone, I still feel so blessed.

I just spent a whole day of testing at the hospital yesterday to determine my baby's biophysical score and non-stress test results.

It was so good to know that the baby is at its best health (very active and growing according to term) and that it's 100% confirmed to be a baby boy!

What's not so "pleasant" to learn is that I currently have a low-lying placenta that is almost indicative that I might be bound for a repeat CS instead of a VBAC. Although this is all fine with me, my OB suggested that we schedule the CS as early as my 37 or 38th week. This means I might be giving birth in August and not September (hwaaat?!). This is more apt daw to avoid having me running to the hospital for an emergency CS when I start to labor (which nobody could really predict when will happen). Having to wait for labor to set in daw is like risking having uncontrolled bleeding which can be a result of my low placenta position. She told us further that since I am already at my third trimester, it may already be unlikely for my placenta to be pushed up (the placenta needs to be at least 5 cm away from the cervix to be cleared for vaginal delivery).

Oh. Oh. Oh. I told the doc that I still preferred to give birth close to my due date. And so we settled for Sept. 5 barring any unforeseen labor occurence.

Now I have to quicken my pace in the office and in turning over my work to my officemates so I could give birth earlier just in case.