It's just 25 days to go before Christmas and I'm pretty sure many public places have been playing the sounds of Christmas hymns all day and all night. Sadly this year, I still could not figure out how we will spend the holidays given my condition now. I've never spend Christmas just at home, much less just in bed. Thinking it about it makes me feel a bit "crazy" so to speak. I'll simply miss my all those Christmas get-togethers, quick catch-up dinners and lunches, as well as those most awaited reunions with friends and old officemates. I'll also miss Christmas shopping for gifts for family and friends. And no matter how hard it has been to get the perfect gifts, line up at the cashier, or wait for those presents to be wrapped in the concierge, nothing beats the joy of finding the right gift for someone.

Speaking of gifts, many of the things I wish I can do is to go to the mall and personally shop for the gifts I'd give to my kids. But I guess, the kids and the new baby would have to be satisfied with getting something which their Daddy will be able to buy for them. Anyway, if I were to wish for something, I would like to be able to spend a day in the mall, singing all those Christmas tunes in the background, and going around shopping for a g&l comanche at music123 for Zoe, an electric drumset for Luigi and a Classical CD collection for the new baby. Wishes, wishes, wishes!

Love, love, love this picture!

It makes my heart flutter with joy.

In the eyes of many, you may be imperfect kids and us, your imperfect parents. But God chose us (of all people!) to raise and take care of both of you. For what reason he granted us great lovable blessings like you, only Him knows. But one thing is for sure, He is perfect and we will strive to be like Him, TOGETHER.

Benigno Simeon "Noynoy" Conjuangco Aquino was inaugurated as the Philippines' 15th President last June 30, 2010.

With this newly-elected president, many have high hopes for a better and more developed Philippines. Will he be able to do it? Well, let's all wait and see. Personally, I am not expecting a lot from his administration. For sure there will be changes but...I don't expect a huge difference to set in terms of the Filipinos' overall economic well-being. There will still be lots of debts and lots of people below the poverty line.

My only hope is that he will be able to create more jobs as much as the old administration did. I was only "unemployed" for 2 weeks last month but I already felt the financial crunch of not having to receive a salary for half a month. I learned that you simply cannot change the way business goes. It's "business as usual", with or without a job. The bills still keep coming: the Meralco bill, PLDT, mobile phone bill, Manila Water bill, the cable tv bill and not to mention all of my credit card bills. It was very stressful just thinking about it! I even met up with a friend to discuss possible cash loans which I could avail of so as not to default in my payment with my credit cards! I was so shy to ask for help.

Anyway, God granted a way for us to get around those financial demands. If not for that cash loan, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. :-)

I prayed to her and she answered my request.

It really works...promise!

We recently had an issue at home that has been a real downer especially for me. I hate to blog about the details but it definitely has left me so SAD (and partly guilty) for three days now.

With all these challenges in life, I realize that:

1) Ang hirap pala talaga ng walang nanay at ang hirap maging "nanay". So for those who still have moms, cherish them while they are still alive!

2) The world is not perfect and no one is perfect.

3) You don't have to blame yourself for failures beyond your control (that's quoting my husband). As long as you have tried your best, then the rest should be left to God.

4) You cannot control the freedom of others. People can do certain things for reasons they alone know why. You can only hope that they will realize the wrongness of their actions...soon and by the grace of God.

5) God has a reason for everything. OMNIA IN BONUM (Everything is for the good). And although I would and maybe could have done something to prevent the "thing" from happening, it's really out of my hands.

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They tell me - "This is for the best. Learn to let go! Worrying too much is bad for the baby." But really, it's just so hard for me. I still feel so sorry and sad that "it" had to happen (and if only I could miraculously make F. understand the things he has to realize for himself...)

Sorry if I talk in generalities here. I just need to let it out in some way otherwise my heart will burst. Anyway, I'm just so glad that during times like these, my hubby is always there to calm me, be my best friend and be my support. For that alone, I still feel so blessed.

Lookie here! Our second baby's very first picture! Baby#2 looks as if he/she's waving! Can you see?

Heartbeat - ok!

Length - ok!

Everything - ok!

That's all I needed to hear from the doctor, really. :-)

...I dreamt of my mother.

I admit that I seldom dream about her ever since she was gone. But when I do, my dreams seem to be very vivid, very real.

In this particular dream, I saw myself with some relatives and friends. As I had really had been planning, in my dream, I had organized a small intimate party to remember my mother's birthday. My tito and tita from the States were there plus our next-door neighbors. I also saw Zoe holding hands with a smaller girl in a cute dress (which is I think supposed to be our baby#2). Suddenly, as the party was about to start, I hear from the folks that my very own Nanay was there standing infront of our house. So I rushed to embrace her as the other people looked on. I hugged her tightly and kissed her many times on the cheek. She was wearing her brown and flesh blouse and pants set. She didn't say anything. She just stood her as I kept saying "I love you Nanay" and "Don't let go!".

In my mind, I thought that if I let go of my embrace, she will disappear. I was feeling her energy slowly fading and that she was drifting away. Then suddenly, I wake up. It was morning.

The next day (February 1) was her birthday. She would have been 62 years old. We woke up early that day to go to mass. We offered mass for her soul as well as for my grandparents and uncle whose birthdays also fall in the month of February. After mass, we headed to the cemetery to visit her. Silently, I said 'hello', 'happy birthday' and 'thank you'. You see, the last time we visited her was on Christmas Day. Hubby and I particularly asked her to intercede so that we will have another baby soon. She answered our prayer by New Year's. Galing noh?

We prepared a simple lunch that day. We had spaghetti, fried chicken, grilled bangus, lumpiang shanghai, and barbeque. My tito (my mother's brother) and his family plus other close friends of my parents arrived to celebrate with us. Of course, my Tatay was there too. It was great to remember her that way.

By the way, here is the yummy cake which we ordered from Estrel's. I asked them to put violet and pink flowers on the cake (since my Nanay's name is Violeta and violet is her birthstone color).

In the afternoon, I was particularly touched because I got a call from Mrs. Picadizzo, a co-teacher of my mother. She said that she just wanted to greet my mother happy birthday. With her was one of the 'alagas' of my Nanay in the school where they used to teach. This boy (nicknamed Erap) also talked to me on the phone and told me that he wished he could go visit my Nanay's grave that day. He added that for him, my Nanay is the best teacher ever and that he is sure that my Nanay is very happy with God because she was very mabait to him and to many people. I said thank you to both of them for remembering even if my Nanay has been gone for almost 4years already. Grabe talaga my Nanay. She's really something.

Happy birthday dear Nanay! I love you. I hope I make you proud.

Guess what Hubby and I received as a gift for Christmas?

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Have you heard of divine concurrence (better known as divine providence)? Well, I re-learned this term a few months ago in a seminar. Somehow, the term stuck into my mind this time around maybe because of the way it was explained to us. In my own understanding, this means that God plans everything. It also means that everything that happens has a purpose and is all part of a great plan.

Divine Providence
(Latin, Providentia; Greek, pronoia)
"Providence in general, or foresight, is a function of the virtue of prudence, and may be defined as the practical reason, adapting means to an end. As applied to God, Providence is God Himself considered in that act by which in His wisdom He so orders all events within the universe that the end for which it was created may be realized. That end is that all creatures should manifest the glory of God, and in particular that man should glorify Him, recognizing in nature the work of His hand, serving Him in obedience and love, and thereby attaining to the full development of his nature and to eternal happiness in God. The universe is a system of real beings created by God and directed by Him to this supreme end, the concurrence of God being necessary for all natural operations, whether of things animate or inanimate, and still more so for operations of the supernatural order. God preserves the universe in being; He acts in and with every creature in each and all its activities. In spite of sin, which is due to the wilful perversion of human liberty, acting with the concurrence, but contrary to the purpose and intention of God and in spite of evil which is the consequence of sin, He directs all, even evil and sin itself, to the final end for which the universe was created. All these operations on God's part, with the exception of creation, are attributed in Catholic theology to Divine Providence."
Anyway, I believe that divine concurrence happens in the big things as well as the small things, in the good things as well as those perceived as bad. Recently, we had a taste of God's divine concurrence and goodness.

On January 1, 2009, while preparing for New Year's lunch, we heard a clash at the back of our house. Our Ate Nilda and Francis were at the backyard grilling liempo. We heard from them that part of the window from my Tatay's walk-in closet and bathroom fell out.

All the while, Zoe and I were in the kitchen watching my husband prepare Fish and Chips for lunch. When Hubby finally went inside the room to check why the window broke, he found this ~

It's a 9.0 mm bullet.

We couldn't believe that a 'stray' bullet hit our house at 10:00 in the morning.

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When I look back, I only have God to thank because...

1) Zoe and I were sitting at that same sink where the bullet fell only 5 minutes before the bullet was fired. She wanted to make pupu and I accompanied her.

2) Ate Nilda and Francis were about 1 meter away from where the pieces of the glass window fell so they were unhurt.

3) That time (10 am) was ordinarily Zoe's bath time. After bathing, she would normally sit on that sink to brush her teeth. On that day, since it was January 01, Zoe took a bath earlier since we had relatives who were coming for lunch.

Whoever fired that bullet must be crazy. That single bullet could have cost the life of a dear person. It was so bad. We called the baranggay police and they said that we should report this to PNP Rizal. So we tried calling PNP but nobody was answering the phone so we just let it be. I felt really scared but at the same time I felt relieved that God made it so that the bullet hit the window and not a person. Divine concurrence is really a great mystery and I'm glad God spared us from any harm.